Understanding Adolescence - Good Luck!
It may be teenagers' fashion style, activities or attitudes that make the phrase "I just don't understand kids these days," so common. Yet while adolescence is a time of great physical and emotional change, it doesn't need to be a time of misunderstanding and conflict.
"Many people tend to feel adolescence is typically associated with rebellion and anti-social behavior--usually this isn't the case," says Dr. Michael Arthur, a research associate professor at the University of Washington School of Social Work. "These years offer a time for teens to think about the world in a whole new way, which opens the door for establishing a self identity and increasing social interaction."
Arthur, whose research focuses on preventing anti-social behavior in teens, points out that parents and other adults play an important role in the lives of teens. Understanding the challenges facing teens and knowing how to respond can help reduce the stress of adolescence for the entire family.
Beginning in early childhood, kids test parents' limits in terms of discipline and behavior. But as this continues into adolescence, Arthur notes parents should be willing to loosen up a bit on the reins of control.
"It's important for parents to let their children explore the world and learn things for themselves," Arthur says. "Yet teens still need advice and structure from their parents."
Balancing guidance and discipline with freedom and acceptance is the ideal way to help teens through the changing years. And while walking this fine line can be a challenge, Arthur notes that parents should work to develop trust in their children and the decisions they make.
"Parents have taught children quite a bit and influenced them much more than they realized by the time they are teens," Arthur says. "Teens may act like they're rejecting values as they're exploring other options. But chances are they will come back to the beliefs that were reinforced by their parents."
While allowing some freedom for teens is good, parents should not go too far. A lack of guidance can be detrimental, leading to a wide range of problem behaviors that may include aggression, violence, crime and high-risk sex. Arthur notes that often these behaviors are developed within a teen's social network.
"These situations can put teens at risk for negative outcomes, including long-term health consequences," Arthur notes. "Parents need to have clear rules and guidelines for how they will deal with unacceptable behavior."
To keep your teen heading in the right direction, Arthur offers several tips to parents. First, pay attention to who your teen's friends are. Choices made about friendships during adolescence can have a lasting impact. By getting to know your teen's new friends, as well as getting to know their parents, you can help steer your teen to make the right choices.
Second, communicate with your teen every day. Arthur points out that even if a teen doesn't want to converse, it's important to talk and let your teen know you are there to listen.
Third, enlist the help of others. Keeping in contact with teachers and speaking with other parents can help keep you in contact with your teen and let you know if there are problems.
And finally, parents should take note of warning signs that may signal a teen is having difficulties. These include a drop in grades at school or a sudden change in moods or activities.
"Parents may feel they have no control, but that's not the case," Arthur explains. "Adolescents are very bright and have a tremendous amount to contribute if their energies are channeled into constructive activities."
